DEAR ROY
The Class of '88
by Roy Creek
A devotee's book about the experiences of a group of pilgrims to Baba's ashram in 1988, serialised exclusively on this website.
CHAPTER THREE
THE SEARCH FOR THE INNER SILENCE
It is one of my happier tasks to read the Sanathana Sarathi carefully
and extract some salient points of Swami's discourses. These extracts
are then offered for further publication. It is a service that I offer
with some trepidation in case I leave out the most important point of
all. It has been my realisation that there is an apparent 'speeding up'
of the contents and intensity of Swami's messages to us. He constantly
refers to the 'animal' in man and the effort that must be made to free
ourselves from animal attitudes and actions, to realise that we are humans
and that we too are divine. He speaks to us about God Realisation and
the pathway of Love.
It is as though there is an urgency for the message to be received. He
is giving us the messages. It is up to us to receive and act upon them.
We have had a recent example where one of His closest devotees was given
a warning not to go out and this warning was ignored. Swami knew what
was going to happen, for all things are known to Him, but this man had
to be given his free will - and paid the price. Neither can these divine
messages to us from Sai be ignored unless we too are prepared to pay the
price and miss the grand opportunity that we have by being born in the
time of the Sai incarnations. We have worked hard over many lifetimes
for the privileges that we are now receiving. We must not throw these
opportunities away by ignoring the call for right action and right thinking
- and how difficult it is for everyone of us to avoid wrong thinking in
its many aspects. So many, you do not need me to repeat them, for we all
have our own Bête Noire. I have one that I constantly have to fight
and when I think that I have defeated it, up it springs again. We all
have them, for nobody is perfect. It is only our Atma that is perfect.
The only difference is that some of us are trying to beat the Bête,
and others allow just that one to escape the net. I have read that some
of us get so near to the state of at-one-ment and then fail at the last
hurdle. If we want to serve Swami, I am sorry to have to tell you, but
we have to try and tame all the beasts. In one letter we read :-
I am often very aware indeed of my failures and contusions, rebelliousness
and forgetfulness, but I hope that I can say that with Swami's help and
my own slowly awakening Godself, I am a little better as a person since
1988 and that the tide (to use your metaphor) is gradually coming in.
(115)
And needless to say, how difficult it is for everyone of us to avoid animal
thoughts, wrong actions, anger etc. all fostered and festered by the media
that we read and look at on our screens every day.
You see, we all have these problems. No one is exempt. But the difference
is, that we are, with the help of Sai's teachings, doing something about
them. And as we progress along this - Oh! so difficult path :-
There is less of a need to prove myself and live up to images and labels
60)
One of the group did not have to work out which was his particular beast
- Swami gave it to him straight " You are lazy". Swami knows
best, and this was the kick start that he needed. I say be careful, you
too, might get the Divine push! The divine hint, but please be sure to
recognise and accept it for what it is when it comes. Not only should
you be aware of divine hints, but also of divine warnings, uncomfortable
feelings and the conscience saying "Whoa!!"
I sometimes feel vulnerable in these violent times and wonder how I would
react if I came face to face with violence. Would I meet it with violent
actions derived from fear or with aggressive thoughts, or would I be like
some near saints that I read about and send out love. I shall not know
until it happens, all this even though I know that Swami protects us and
steers us away from danger. I remember His words "Why fear when I
am here? And the more personal words uttered in the interview room, "Why
worry? I will take care of you". Maybe the fear is still there lurking
in the background even as I recall these words of Swami's, but I feel
that I can now face whatever happens with a far greater strength. There
is a strength within that is available to everyone through the love of
God. If it is my karma to face such a situation, I pray that I shall be
able to meet it without incurring more karma.
There is also the aspect of animal thoughts that occur when one reads
the papers and looks at the television and the sometimes subliminal and
often not so subliminal advertising and messages. This is a time when
we must resolve to not be unduly affected. Companions can also stir the
mind and we have to keep a level head, try to use our discrimination and
personally put into practice the words "My life is my message"
if we want to call ourselves devotees. And you know what Swami would say
about that last sentence. Don't try - Do.
This is one of the advantages of Study Groups and Satsangs where we only
meet like-minded people and this makes life a little easier for us, but
many have written to me and confirmed my thoughts that Satsangs are not
for everybody. To some, they seem to get in the way, or not give enough.
I share their thoughts, but upon reflection it may be that it is I who
is not giving enough. Whichever way, the following words may hold the
answer:--
I was one of the people who didn't follow Him to Bangalore - it was
the most precious time for me and I was much more aware of His presence
than when He was there in person. (66)
We may have here the essence of the reason for the desire not to join
in with others. It is a desperate desire, a yearning, to be so very close
to the Divine Father and Mother, for there to be nothing to pollute the
presence, to be able to feel His vibration, to know His presence, to be
pure in thought and action, to love and to know love - the ultimate pinnacle
of Divinity - Psychologists may recognise this phenomena and wonder.
This desire to make one's own path has been expressed so sincerely as
follows:-
"I was never attracted to the Organisation and its doings, and that
is still the case. Sai centres, study circles, and the rituals that have
developed in these centres, seem to me to be strengthening the duality
of worship, and tend to become an end to themselves, much like the Church
in which I grew up - Latin Mass, incense, candles and prescribed forms
of worship - albeit in very beautiful ceremonies. Very edifying at first,
but which, over the years of practice, begin to hide the real quest -
which is to attain Unity - God within. (70)"
The love for God, the love for Swami is there, and again the intensity
plus the rejection, however beautiful it may be, of anything that may
possibly get in the way and obscure the goal of at one ment - or whatever
we envisage our goal to be - cannot be accepted.
And again:-
But we both now feel very strongly that the inner search is too personal to allow much outer involvement. So, little by little, we hope to resolve the problem. (27)
But as I sit writing this near midnight, I am the first to recognise
the difficulty that this resolving the problem can be, this going within
is like trying to unlock a door without knowing where the key or the keyhole
is. It would seem that we have forgotten where we hid the key and there
we are, standing outside crying for help and not a little frustration.
How is it we have forgotten? Is it perhaps the materialism of this world
that we have entered many lifetimes ago that has weaned us away from the
knowledge and practice of our divinity? Is it that we are worshipping
the God of TV and advertising with all its horrors and innuendoes and
ignoring reality?
Here we have instances of devotees who will not accept the external,
only the internal will satisfy them because of the intensity of their
feelings, their devotion. They are insisting on their right to be at one
with God.
Those of you who have had the good fortune to have read the talks of Paramahansa
Yogananda in the volumes 'Man's Eternal Quest' and the 'Divine Romance'
will recognise in his words that he is speaking with God awareness. They
cannot be surprised when at times they find that they are reading the
same words that they read in the Sanathana Sarathi. They have to be the
same words and the same teachings, for they are from the same source,
Sri Sathya Sai Baba, God incarnate. When you read other great books and
listen to teachings of other faiths you are again with the same teachings.
Again, you realise how fortunate you are to be in the age of the Avatar,
to sit at His feet, feel His presence, hold His hand, experience the love
that pours from the Divine Mother and listen to the golden words.
Referring back to Yogananda, I have read these books and used extracts in a meditation group that I used to run until recently. It sometimes helps to hear the same teachings expressed in another way. It was put this way by one:-
Although I am happy with Sai literature, it has not prevented me from reading and absorbing other works of the great spiritual teachers who have been and are mingling with us today. (12)
The more you read, the more you listen, the more you recognise the teachings
of Sai. They are everywhere. you cannot but help to come across the universal
teachings wherever you look. Many take comfort in these sightings and
the recognition that confirms to them that they are on the right path,
that there can be no possible doubt that they are seeing things from the
right perspective. To amplify the point, try some of the books written
by Sri Chinmoy, it is all the same, the call to Love and to love.
I was very fortunate to have as a teacher in my early 'spiritual days'
Michael Gardner Jones, he was also very close to Sai Baba. Many people
came to this loving man whom I regarded as a brother. His love and wisdom
were an inspiration to many, they learnt much, yet they did not develop
until they moved away and started to think and search for themselves,
the search within that is so essential. It so sad that it takes us so
long to realise it.
Michael and his wife Vera had devoted their life to service very many
years ago and had taken the plunge, on an assurance from Spirit that they
would always be cared for. They had given up work to serve Jesus. Many
times they had little to eat, many times those that came to them were
in a far better state than they were. None were turned away from the door
of their little sanctuary at Chesham.
They ran a commune and cared for the sick. They gave help to those in
need, on occasion going out to those who could not be brought to them
although they had barely enough money for the petrol to go far.
I can remember Michael saying at one point that when he was feeding the
dogs, he was thinking at the same time they were eating better than he
was. But help always came. The trust in God was there, and not only did
they teach it, but they lived it.
They were examples of love being constantly demonstrated, the love that
Swami inspires in you and you thus gain the knowledge that you have to
go not even as far as your own front door, but to your heart. Having found
that love, we have to learn how to share it until eventually, we can practice
the ultimate, unconditional love.
When you are nearing that point it becomes really difficult and there
has to be a constant self analysis of one's self, one's actions and one's
motives. Yet having said that, let us consider the next extract:-
First of all, the desire to keep going back to the Ashram is still there,
(68)-
The constant search, the eternal call, the unending questioning, the fear
that something, some opportunity, may have been missed.
There is still a strong attraction in Darshan, in actually sitting in
line, and seeing His form, and yet, a growing feeling that, in a way,
that it is a sort of self indulgence, that the feeling of God within is
stronger now. (69)
Self inquiry, self analysis, the questioning mind ever looking for the
right path, the correct action and ultimate fulfilment not only from the
knowledge gained by much listening to the Self, but also from the experience
gained by regular contact with the Source. As another devotee put it :-
During these visits I have felt that he has revealed more and more of
Himself to me and this seems to be the way it works. It isn't that we
can see more, He is in total charge. (39)
Whether we are at home or at Puttaparthi, God alone will suffice and it
is His omnipresence that we have to recognise. One night, whilst sitting
in a contemplative state, the words "I am you and you are Me"
came winging into my mind. They are words that are simple yet so meaningful,
so explicit. There is nothing else to say.
I feel very privileged to have seen Swami and been in His presence, and
that feeling grows stronger as the years go by. It is a great blessing
to have been allowed... (76)
(for we are called when the time is right) to drink deeply from the Pool
of Love. The benefit is not mine alone, but belongs to all, (10)
For as Swami says, we are all one.
It was many years later that I read a book written by Irena Tweedie in
which she describes the way she was taught by her Sufi Guru. They would
sit in silence, sometimes he would be talking and joking with his visitors,
even sleeping and yet, all the time his mind was tuning in to hers, teaching
her, giving her what she needed. In her book 'Daughter of Fire' much happened
and it gave me an insight into the way that Swami works on every one of
us whether at the ashram or at home.
Swami need say nothing, yet sometimes only a word, a look, or a thought,
but as you may well know, we all become changed. Have you ever had the
good fortune to be sitting in His presence when suddenly He turns and
looks at you? You might be in the middle of a crowd and yet you know that
He knows. It happened to me, just a glance, an eye to eye contact for
a fleeting moment. It was the same as those words that came in the night.
He knows and He is there. And one then truly begins to understand just
a little more of this knowledge that there is only the One.
(to download Dear Roy Chapter 3, click here)
to continue reading, click here)
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