DEAR ROY (Part Four)
The Class of '88
by Roy Creek
A devotee's book about the experiences of a group of pilgrims to Baba's ashram in 1988, serialised exclusively on this website.
CHAPTER FIVE
DARSHAN
Do we really know the glorious benefits of Darshan?
We sit before our Lord with a thousand different emotions awaiting His
glance, His blessing. Praying that He will hear and act upon our prayers.
That He will take our letters, sign our book or picture. grant an interview.
Everyone there has a different request to make, and it would appear that
Swami knows them all.
There are many stories of Baba turning back to answer a sincere prayer,
to take a letter, or perhaps even a little play with a devotee who needs
a lesson, a pat on the cheek and a remark that tells that he knows all
or, as in my and my friend Marc's case, to give the blessing they had
not received earlier. I will explain.
Marc and I were in wheelchairs and mine had such squeaky wheels that I
am sure that at times when the grease ran out and the sand got back in
the bearings, that the ensuing noise could be heard over a large part
of the Ashram. It was an occasion when the London Group were called for
an interview. I beckoned to Marc to follow me and I started to push myself
over the sands towards the Mandir. Swami, who was walking back to the
Mandir, looked in the direction of the squeaks and waved us back into
our original positions. Very mixed emotions at that moment, but in my
case, I cannot speak for Marc, I realised that there was a reason, not
known at that juncture, and could accept it. As it happened, it was probably
that there was simply not enough room for two wheelchairs and maybe forty
devotees in one small interview room. However, Swami spoke to both of
us individually on the Darshan lines and we received a blessing. It was
interesting that although we were normally together, Swami chose to speak
to us when the other was not there. It meant that although it was in public
view, at the same time it was in private. No opportunity for doubts, just
an awareness of loving consideration on the part of Swami.
One of the '88 group remarked on her private prayers being answered by Swami's love as follows:-
I found myself in the front row for Darshan, which not only means you
have a good view of Swami, but the opportunity of Swami speaking to you
and maybe taking letters. Thoughts flitted through my mind, should I touch
Baba's feet? I thought about this, but with my Western culture it did
not feel right.
I remembered the story in the Bible of the woman who had touched the robe
of Jesus, the hem of His garment, in order to be healed. So while waiting
for Baba, that quiet time, full of expectancy, I mentally asked Baba if
I could be allowed.
Baba came to the ladies and slowly moved round, He stopped in front of
me, I offered Swami a photograph of the family that hopefully He might
bless. He took the picture and looked at it closely, I said "Family
Baba". He gave it back to and said "Very nice". Swami stood
still while speaking to someone else, so my chance to touch the hem of
His garment. A very special moment. (77)
There are many ways to consider Darshan, whether it is by looking at Swami
as He glides by or looking at His picture, seeing Him in your meditation
or your dreams. But there are other ways to see him and this little moment
as a devotee recalls the climb up to the meditation tree is one of them
and is recounted here :-
.... up to the area above the Ashram to see the panoramic view across
the valley and down on top of the Mandir and the rest of the Ashram. This
had quickly become my favourite perch, watching the sun rise at dawn over
the distant mountains. I never did manage it this year because the call
for Darshan vied with the sunrise - what a two way tug of love - to witness
the Lord rise as the Sun, over the earth, or to see the Lord Himself,
moving among His children. (21)
The understanding of God being in all forms is so beautifully expressed
in that passage by a person who did not have a burning desire to go to
Puttaparthi but, in his realisation had become a devotee with a great
deal of understanding.
It would seem that Darshan time is so often the time for self analysis
as to why Swami is looking, not looking or giving Vibhuti to some and
not others. The following words express the thoughts of many:-
At the time it seemed like a complete rejection by Swami - I just couldn't
understand why, how on earth could Swami do this when I loved Him so much?
Of course, there is a deeper, wiser love that wants the best for the beloved,
and that was His. (46)
This brings me to the why's and wherefore's of taking letters to Swami
from our friends and loved ones back home. We have taken it upon our selves
to be messengers to Swami and holding any number of letters we bring them
out of bags to offer to Him. He will take from some and not others and
you wonder. As the days go by the letters get a little tattier, sometimes
the letters are never taken. I heard someone say that he had to put them
in a letter box. I feel that all the contact desired has been made a the
time the letter was written way back home. It is no mean feat to write
a letter to God. By the time I have written a letter, I am sure he has
figuratively peered over my shoulder and read it before I have had time
to put it into an envelope! When you think about it, He is the pen, the
ink and the paper. However, I thank the people who offer to take letters
as it certainly motivates the senders to have some very serious thoughts
before that pen is put to paper.
I have often heard of the ecstasy felt by devotees on the Darshan line,
of tears flowing endlessly as the emotions finally spill over, and yet,
for me, I recognise the suspiciousness of the event, the blessing of actually
sitting in those sacred grounds, but feelings - No. Perhaps there is something
wrong with me? But I am there, I have been drawn there, perhaps not knowing
why. Maybe a preparation, maybe an experience required for the future,
an opportunity to make my personal statement to God or was I simply in
awe of the whole string of events. I know that I am not alone in this
absence of feeling, it is as though the heart at the supreme moment refuses
to open up or reach out. We can of course, express our love in many ways,
in many places, we should not reproach ourselves at this time for there
are many ways of being overwhelmed by the event, there is no right way,
there is no wrong way. Some love God by their emotional outpourings and
others by their actions. Be happy that you have the opportunity to realise
the omniscience of God and the knowledge that whatever we do, God understands.
God loves.
I feel in rapport with the devotee who said :-
Do we have to go to see Baba? Yes, we are often asked this question.
I have to answer "Yes". It holds much significance, but not
many can know of it's importance, only the Divinity knows that. (13)
So one can speculate on the reasons for their journey, but who knows their
past, their future? Who knows the promises made to God in other times?
I would suggest that the time is near for our greater understanding of
these and many other questions.
To start with, it can be no coincidence that we have been born in this
age. Many of us have been drawn to Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and others
have been thrust forward with a book dropped on their head to wake them
up!
My awakening has been a gentle affair and when my journey brought me to Sai Baba my soul was content to linger and learn, a little like finding a wonderful lush oasis in the parched desert of searching. (11)
And that statement aptly describes for many of us the gentleness with
which we have been called to the Presence. Yes, it is necessary to go
to Sai Baba, yes, it is necessary to answer the call. For this may be
the clarion call to service that we have been preparing for, for so many
lifetimes and are you going to miss it? I often say to people who ask
this question :- If you lived in the time of any of the Avatars or the
Prophets, would you have missed the opportunity? And if you were aware
this day that many years ago you had missed this supreme opportunity,
would you ever stop reproaching yourself. Many have gone to Puttaparthi
in sickness, almost their dying breaths. They were not going to miss this
sacred opportunity.
Thank God that you are here and now. Understand the teachings, become
the representative of Swami. Let your life be your message.
The trip to Puttaparthi was a milestone in my life. A very special time
of learning, for which I am eternally grateful to Swami for calling me.
(31)
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